Don`t feel like I was misdiagnosed anymore

I felt like I was misdiagnosed at one point in my past. 

But I don`t really feel like that anymore. And the reason for that is because there are a lot of versions of ADD or ADHD. And I didn`t realize that. I was diagnosed many, many years ago and I have lived up to everything that the diagnosis has to offer since then. A coincidence? I don`t think so, honey! I started to embrace myself and say "NO!" Adhd - people say NO all the time. Naysayers in a GOOD way. We know our worth. And we never stop fighting for what we want. Although sometimes what we want don`t show up just yet. We find a solution to that problem that benefits US. And not them. The social workers at the offices. They have enough with themselves. Believe me. Although the meetings often benefited me at the end of the day when I remember that they laughed at my jokes. My job was done then. I came to the world scene to entertain. Cleaning public schools wasn`t really my thing. BUT I learned to clean there. I learned a very important lesson. Cleaning in itself is really FUN. I enjoy it. But I would NEVER have enjoyed it if it wasn`t for my ongoing addiction to cleaning supplies. Okay, that was a joke! It sounds like I am snorting OMO. (Great smelling laundry detergent) I am not into that, sorry. (Maybe just a little bit...) But YES! I love cleaning supplies. I can stand in the store for minutes just looking at the cleaning supplies. So, in one way I wasn`t wasting my time working that 9-5 kind of job in the past. I just knew that I was unique in my own way and had to do something more than that. But the satisfying mop strokes on the floor. There are worse ways of getting payed, I have to be honest. 

I was trying really hard to fit in and go to a 9 to 5 kind of job, that I hated. I never liked the boss - situation. When your boss tells you what to do. When you`re in the wrong place to begin with and there`s a boss telling you to do the opposite of what you ACTUALLY came here to do in this life. Well...anyone would think of a way out. An exit plan. But when you don`t know which way to take or know HOW to do it, our future is not going to look that bright, and that can last many years. You stick it out until your body says enough is enough. Because you`re tired of the office-people telling you to TRY one more time. That`s one time too many. One day that last efford is going to be one too many for you to handle.

Because whenever I see a camera. I don`t think you understand. Okay, when you see the front door to your job don`t you become really happy and just want to enter that door? With your coffee to go and the keys in your hand. To YOUR office. Where the magic happens! You just know you are where you`re supposed to be. Your name tag is on that door. This is your life from now on. And you LOVE IT! If you can`t say "Yes, I do!" to that...then maybe you`ve got a problem? I never had a problem, honey. Okay, I am not saying it was never my own fault that I ended up at the employment agency...but when you`re lost in life how do you know what to do? I was lost. I hadn`t been creative for over ten years at that time. And that is CRAZY for an artist. Just ask any artist! You office-people at the employment agency tried to force me to go through YOUR door. (That is your job, though, I understand but...) I have my own door. In fact I have many doors. And the doors they keep opening for me all the time. 

Whenever I am on camera I feel...

And MAYBE there was too much chaos + drama on that imaginary screen (I belong in front of the camera! (Listen! I`ve tried everything else. Didn`t work!) and that`s WHY I got the diagnosis? OR I was just weird (Or FIERCE!) in the first place. I don`t know. The female psychologist knew. She had all the answers, honey. Strong willed too! Especially after I told her the meds don`t work. "Oh no! We know what you`ve got!" It was almost like I heard "honey" at the end, but that was just my imaginary screen switching channels between Rupaul`s Drag Race and the horror movie The Shining. But at the end of the day I really felt like I finally had something to bring home and tell my mama about. Like some important certificate. I finally had something to hang on the wall like the rest of my peers. At my age. And it wasn`t an F anymore. It was ninety times better than an F. It was F90. 

I am so many fabulous things at the same time. And the thoughts, honey! So many thoughts...and the stories. Don`t get me started! You should book me for a storytime evening. Okay, that was a joke. For now. But who knows about the future? I`m gonna be entertaining you until I`m in my mid 70`s. I know about entertaining at that age. Don`t get me started! Comedy runs in my family. Fortunately for me; it is NOT involuntarely. Not gonna go into details. And if you feel offended right now; I didn`t mean YOU! Oh, get over yourself! "Yes we`ve got humor but OH NO! We are NOT gonna show that to anybody! At least not for the world to see! So, I have to be the one doing the job. "But Mali! We meant YOU TOO!" Oh no! Not me! I didn`t come here to hide and slowly die inside the "comedy-closet". I`ve got my own show. The Mali Show. Some may call it "The Shit Show" and that`s perfectly fine with me as long as you`re watching it! A show where I am exploring different parts of me. So, I decided to just embrace them ALL. All of the parts.I decided to just give myself a big bear hug and say to myself; I am ENOUGH! But not just enough; I am FABULOUS, honey! 

The conclusion: I don`t feel like I was misdiagnosed with ADHD anymore because it IS what people like me are being diagnosed with. Or misdiagnosed with. I relate 150% with the other people on that spectrum. I think we can call it "on the spectrum". Because there are so many levels to this. I was almost going to say there are LEVELS TO THIS SHIT. And that is actually the truth. I generally LOVE ADHD people. They have always been my friends. We can talk about anything. Basically because we kind of tend to never stop talking.😂 Maybe you are shy NOW! But trust me; you`re just a late bloomer. One day you`re gonna shine.

Thank you for being a tourist passing through Mali`s Universe. Thank you for being a witness of all the stories going on inside my mind, simultaneously. Like, share and comment! Thanks! 👍 your photo name

No comments:

Post a Comment