Feeling misdiagnosed

I have been thinking about something lately; I tested positive on ADHD after a period of depression. Why? That is too personal to talk about. (I will write more about this in the future.) I went through serious trauma. I was in mids of a traumatic experience and that is how I decided to get some help for myself (Nobody recommended it for me, I just knew it was best for me to see someone. I knew at least that much.) With the lack of selfawareness that I had at that point, I still went ahead with the process. After many tests, which I answered the "ADHD" way; fast, not really caring about what I had just read, I just "wanted ADHD". It sounds bad but it is the truth. I was super depressed, obviously. But I reacted hyperactivly. I had a hyperactive reaction to almost everything in my life at that point. With a constant "high". For some reason it was go-time for me. Something in your brain just starts to act out that way to cope with the crisis that you`re in. I was told that I have ADD (They were not sure if it was ADD or ADHD. Not a clear decision but both diagnosis are the same, F90.) The agenda was that I "wanted" a diagnosis because I wanted to be understood by society. (And I was so depressed that I didn`t even care if it`s a good or a bad agenda.) F.ex "Why didn`t I get a higher education? Why did I quit school so soon?"(My biggest problem!) I was actually so upset by my lack of education that I decided to study at a law school in the mids of my traumatic experience. (I dropped out, though, due to depression. Depression that mimicked ADHD.) It is almost like lying, but you just want to have something to blame this on. Yes, it is possible to fabricate a diagnosis. But you have to understand "why" I felt the need to fabricate. I was NOT myself at all. With a "Bring it on!"- attitude. I went back to the doctor like two years ago to remove this diagnosis but it was kinda difficult. I wasn`t really prioritized at the hospital. So it never happened. But one day the issues around this misdiagnosis resurfaced again. It is not really a good thing on the paper. Although not the worst thing you can have on paper, obviously, there`s a lot worse that you can have than ADD/ADHD. But if you actually DON`T have it, it is not something that you should just keep on paper. Because you will be questioned about this eventually. And it feels annoyying, so now I will find a way to free myself from this. I am not hyperactive at all. ONLY if I drink too much coffee. I do not have the classic ADD/ADHD - sympthoms at all. I just have to find a psychologist that will help me get tested again so that I can answer honestly on the tests (without the social pressure inside of my confused mind.) I am not confused anymore, I see things clearly now, so there wouldn`t be a more perfect timing to undo this than right now. Soon. I will find a way. Like we all say; Just let Covid19 go away first! 

My advice to people, and that I try to apply to my own life as much as possible...

But how can this work if you`re someone else on paper?

#ADHD #ADD #diagnosis #depression

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