How to feel loved / Me and my portable circus

How to feel loved no matter what

Welcome to my life! I am a 35 year old nerdy girl from a small town in Norway. But right now it`s still "acceptable" to be this weirdo - on almost every video that I make. I can still pass for being younger. Just wait until I`m 60. (I`m gonna pass for being like 37,5 years YOUNG but that`s a whole different topic...) I`m just going to be timeless! Ain`t nobody gonna hold me back! Not even the elderly homes (By the way, I am never going to be in an elderly home because I will be living somewhere really warm, where these things almost don`t exist.) But IF life doesn`t turn out the way I want it to (which is not going to happen either! H***l to the no!( hell no!) But hypothetically speaking; I am going to make you lose your freaking minds over there! Don`t you worry about that; Want to give me a pill to calm down? I am going to open your mouth and empty that glass bottle of pills in your mouths wide open. It is gonna be hell for you. (By the way: My synthesizer skills are going to make you lose your freaking minds, so I don`t think you will last very long (in that job.) But no matter where I will be living my synthesizer AND karaoke skills are going to make you crazy. I am just violently going to remove the microphones away from everybody`s hands and say "Why the hell are you singing "It`s raining men"? Because ain`t no men gonna rain on you, woman! Or man! (I saw some gay men in the audience tonight!) Because I`m now 80 years YOUNG, honey child, and the MEN are gonna rain on ME! Hell yeah! Been waiting too long!". I am going to hang out with all kinds of people. Because I love all kinds of people. And all kinds of people love me. It is going to be like a circus or a freak show. I joke with everybody and everything and for some weird reason they like it. How to get along with everyone, no matter who they are? Just be this weird, freaky, nerdy awesome maniac for the rest of your life. It`s a very attractive, actually. As long as you`re not a bad person. That is not attractive at all. People just can`t take their eyes off of you if you`re this all-loving person. Okay, to violently remove somebody`s microphone while they`re struggling to hit that "high" is probably not a good idea. (But it looks good on video.) Okay, just don`t do that if it is not meant to be a joke, and you should be very good friends too. I know how it`s like when people are acting around you like "you can`t sing".

Be the funny, weird person that you are! (If that is who you are.) People get this weird unconscious obsession about you, even though they don´t really think they like you, they just can`t deny the fact that you`re everywhere, moving through every non-psychical space - even theirs. ( I hope I understood what I just channeled now, by the universe. Sometimes it just happens so fast.) People turn out to be fans instead of haters. Some of them. But in the end ; YOU don´t care about what they feel about you because you don`t let any bad comments affect you anyway. It is just a win-win situation for you if you get along with everyone. (If you have an issues with someone (or they have an issue with you) Just walk away! Let the past be the past and move on to better and greater things in life. Change the way people see you; "Oh I hate this person! (I have heard a lot about this person.) But even though I showed this person that I hate them, they show NO signs of disliking me at all!" With this mentality you don`t create a reason for them to dislike you and they feel stupid. "Why did I even think like that?" But sometimes a person is just a loser. And they have decided to be a hater no matter how nice you treat them. It happens. Just do not become affected by how big of a loser they are. I personally try to walk around with a constant feeling that "They all love me. There`s no reason for it to be any other way". And I have a few reasons to be upset sometimes. We all have. But I try to think like this. In this positive way. When you create this so-called illusion around you ( a good kind of illusion. Probably the wrong word to use. I`m going to find another word; Visualizing.Visual thinking. It`s not real just YET. But it will happen!) "Everybody just LOVES me, even if it`s for no reason and you only experience hate; "They just adore me! I`m one of a kind. Unique!". Just build it up around you. This is an energy that I want you to start to work with! "Illusions" are so much more real than you think. (The invisible powers of the universe.) By the way, illusion was not the right word here. It is a negatively charged word. (Even though I do believe we live in a matrix, but that`s another topic. I do not think that I am ready to reveal my thoughts on what kind of world we are living in just yet.) I am a channeler, but at the same time a deep thinker and don`t always understand at first what I am "receiving". Because I kinda get the messages in pictures. It feels like a huge delivery. Hopefully it is not spam, lol. What I am trying to say is; imagine that you are loved by everyone and you will attract love from every angle. Because you will become blind and deaf to negative people and negative energies. It doesn`t resonate with your frequency anymore. Even though you were a negative person in the past, just by changing your mindset, you will attract positivity. You can rewrite your own history. This is how you survive in this place called earth. It is called The Law Of Attraction. You attract what you are and what you need. Things are easier than you think, and they do solve themselves on it`s own timing. So I just want you to relax. Let go of every fear. Surrender! I personally believe that TODAY is a great day to start.

And when in doubt, just marry yourself!...

And you thought that this was it? No honey child, I have a lot more to say and the headlines are getting better...

Me and my portable circus / I am The Empress

Now, let me talk about what is happening now. (I have the ability to make things happen when it seems like nothing happens. And it actually doesn`t, but I am creative so I don`t care. I create my reality.) I have to create. It does not matter how weird or crazy it is. I just have to CREATE! If I don`t do it I go into a depression. And I am NOT a depressed person- NOT AT ALL! I am actually very energetic when I do the things that I love to do. Then I am a lightening ride! Just an example: Yesterday I went to my local music store in the small town that I live in. A store for instruments and music production on a high level. (I was looking for some new headphones which I ended up buying in another store) and had an hour long conversation with another customer about music production.
It was a PASSIONATE discussion! He said: "It`s so wonderful to listen to someone who is talking about what they´re passionate about!" It kinda hit me right there and then; I am MORE passionate about music than I first thought that I was. Since I have three life purposes it is very hard to choose between them. (And I am going to talk about these three life purposes eventually.) I am all over the place. I just sometimes think for myself "I just know too much!?" I am not trying to brag to you, guys, but I just love information. I am a freaking sponge. I just absorb the information like the sponge absorbs water. The information wants to be delivered and that`s how it is. I cannot explain it. People like that, like us, whoever we are, we either become freaking geniuses (like Einstein, Mozart, Tesla. ANDY WARHOL! Oh yeah, they should have run some tests on him!) They were all pretty weird (and would probably have been diagnosed with autism today. MAYBE!) OR we become nothing at all. The stuck-in-the-between feeling is very confusing. I am not diagnosed with Aspergers (milder version of Autism which they completely removed a few years ago.) But I have a pretty high score on it. (They ran tests honey, oh yes they did, because yours truly wanted it. It was kinda hard to cope in today`s society for a while) but I am too emotional to be diagnosed with it. Just TOO emotional. And they tend to struggle with emotions.

BUT! With my so-called ADHD I have now sidetracked myself again. Okay, I was in the store and...

I was talking and talking with this musician. The time flies when you KNOW WHAT YOU`RE TALKING ABOUT (lol! Okay, I`m not gonna yell!) and everybody else just stare at you: "She knows what`s shes`s talking about! She plays in a band?" People may think that you play in a band or something like that if you talk about making music. (No, I don`t!) The day I play in a band is the day when...This is how that would happen: The name of the band would have to be "The Mali Show". Band members would have to wear t-shirts with my logo on it. On a daily basis. And spread the word about Mali. This kinda reminds me of the way they tried to spread the word about Jesus. Oh, Jesus Christ! It would be just too much for me to handle. Because in the end it would not just be me. And I am a one-woman-show. Because I would not feel completely free. I would freak out in a middle of a concert. I would knock my other band members in the head with a guitar! I would rip it off their shoulders and knock them with it; "You did not play it right! It didn`t sound like Nightwish mixed with Marilyn Manson at all! That`s the sound that I am looking for! I am The Empress!!"(which is a Tarot card, but I don`t care. I like that word. It could be a good band name if it`s not already taken.) "The music you`re playing does not sound like I am THE EMPRESS at all! I am not impressed!"(I am imprisoned, that`s what I am!.) The truth is; I am a nerd, like I have said 100 times already. And you`re right; "Oh my God! She`s weird! So nerdy for a girl!". That is the judgement going on in today`s society. There`s nothing wrong in being a nerd. People around here are like "I`m glad I`m out of here before she comes walking towards me - and talks to me - because I don`t know NOTHING! I came here to buy a piano for my daughter!" Okay, that sounded kinda weird. It sounds like a walk up to people and talk to them. No, I don`t. This guy was a foreigner and decided to just stop me. I was looking at headphones and was minding my own business. I looked up and I heard a voice saying "Do you play the guitar?" ("Hell no!" I was thinking to myself) "I sing. I am a vocalist and have my own home studio!" BANG! just like that. You make a connection. Not a love connection, but meeting people with similar interests. Very important in life! Although we will never talk again he made me realize that I love music. I suppressed it for many years because you have to give a lot of yourself. And I just was not ready. A non-foreigner would have never approached me. People are kind of distant in my home town. Or in any small town. I don`t want to judge. (Although I am the judge and the jury in my life. It`s just the way it is.) And that is also why I have chosen NOT to walk around my city with my mobile / portable circus. Creative and eccentric as I am. "Welcome to the circus! Here we have Mali and her universe!" *Weird introduction music*. I play an ugly high pitched sound on the synthesizer*. A sound that auto tune would never be able to handle. Even though I told the musician / customer in the store that "Audio tune fixes everything!" I don`t use it. But most of the participants on the Norwegian Idol have to use it. It is just the way it is. They can`t hit that "high" like a desperate, hungry cat and still sound good.

(And you can, Mali? REALLY? YASS honey! YASS!!! H**LL YEAH!)

By the way, you guys; Was this story unfolding itself ONLY inside MY mind?...Okay, I get it! Maybe it is time to move on.

I thought that I was going to become more serious this year but...NOT TODAY! (I have been enough serious. I have been talking about how to love yourself and survive in society. You just gotta learn the basics! (That`s why you came here, lol.) And you have learned so much, I just feel it.

Here are my crazy photos from my Facebook live streams. If you can`t handle the real me then I just don`t understand why you`re here!...

And here is the video:

I just want to say that my blog posts are usually long and if you love to read weird blog posts then you have come to the right place. And a lot is going on at the same time. I just want you to know that this is my blogging style. Blame it on ADHD? Do you know what? I don`t think that we should. Some people are just weird and crazy entertainers! (But a lot of these people do have ADHD; Jim Carrey has it! I guess we just have a lot of energy.) See you again soon! ;-)

Thank you for being a tourist passing through Mali`s Universe. Thank you for being a witness of all the stories going on inside my mind. Simultaneously! ;-)

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