.JPG) |
| Throwback photo. I was slim back then. That`s all I have to say. Please just give me this moment. This is my moment. Even though people used to say "get some muscles!". I needed to exercise to grow muscles. That was the thing. But I wasn`t interested in going to the gym. I wasn`t that kind of girl. |
I am not blogging to get attention or to become famous or whatever. It is simply just for fun. Because I think it is fun. I am doing it for me. I have recently developed a very laid back attitude (From 2026). No more chasing fame. Which is stupid anyway. I didn`t get famous, so now I think it`s just stupid.😂 I don`t want to dissapoint and hurt my own feelings anymore. I AM doing it to MYSELF. I am completely aware of it. Most things in life YOU are doing to YOURSELF. Sorry for the capital letters but it is the truth. No more aiming for an unrealistic goal. I didn`t become that entertainer in my early twenties; which is OKAY. I have still got that entertainment gene in me but I am not chasing anything anymore.
Wanted to chase wild ideas
I also am in contact with someone who wants to create a lot. Or chase MY ideas. Or each other`s ideas. Which obviously made me just go crazier and want to chase my wild ideas even more.
Advice to prevent yourself from going crazy: Do NOT find like-minded friends. Not a good idea IF your ideas are crazy.😂 This is actually true. But sometimes creative ideas can be very innovative. This is how businesses start. I am not talking about businesses like Onlyfans.
I am really releaved that I am not in my twenties anymore. That would be BAD! But I am sure that my twenties NOW would never have become the twenties that I was experiencing. I would be normal in my twenties now. We were really in the stone age in my twenties compared to now. And my mind was in the stone age as well. Not kidding! That`s how I feel. Like some kind of cloud. It was foggy as hell back then. I didn`t even try no drugs. It was just the sign of the times back then, if you can put it that way. 2007-ish. It was all about...making that song or...getting on the local radio or...you know, stone age stuff. Saying "hi" to the most famous author in my home country. Anne B. I remember I felt this embarrassed feeling inside; OMG! My song was about setting my body on fire and stuff. We just wanted to make a song that was different. (Me and the producer.)
Here is the song (Which I personally think is cool, though. It gets cooler the older I become for some reason. We let go when we get older. Many of us don`t give a shit anymore.) But back then everything was so serious. And I was totally insecure. I think I was 24. Who is secure at 24? My 24 back then was like 16 in this age and time.
She had UGG`s on - just like me
Anne B. was about to enter her seat at the radio station. Embarassing as hell. Because when she was entering, it was still playing. That 10 seconds air time before they cut you off. 10 difficult seconds! (They cut you off the moment they realize you suck.) But she was probably thinking; "That`s some weird shit they are playing nowadays". Her face was just like in this photo, though.
 |
| Anne B. Ragde is a famous Norwegian author from my home town. Photo: Forlaget Oktober. |
I had FORCED THROUGH a song on the radio, convinced an angry radio host which obviously hated me - to play it. Until I realized that I am being played. She didn`t even pretend to like me. She said "Not my kind of music" You weren`t my cup of tea either, bitch! But I don`t say that to people. I keep it inside. Where it is supposed to be. I bottle up emotions inside. Most people do. All I wanted was to just be myself and that was who I was back then. I didn`t know how to navigate these things in life. I remember that Anne B. came to our primary school and read for us. I never forgot her ever since. Something happened that day. I manifested some weird energy or whatever. I kind of walked slow every time I saw her in town. She didn`t live far away from where I lived at the time. I wanted to observe for a few minutes. STALKER-MALI!! She had UGG`s on. Just like me.
So, my 2000`s were just weird. I just wanted to be myself. Whoever that was. And if I put my energy out there it made me feel like I was part of something. Bigger. I also wanted to join in. I wanted to contribute to the chaos if you know what I mean. I wanted to bring my chaos into the chaos. Now I don`t care if I join the cool - squad or not. The cool - squad that I tried to impress is now a bunch of wrinkley old people. Their women joined the book clubs a decade ago, have perfectly organized their knitting... -stuff. Have no idea what it`s called - while I was still trying to make that hit song. Tried to learn how to scream while the producer said "You can do it! You just have to raise your normal voice into a strong screaming-voice!" But all I could do was a falsetto. Screaming wasn`t my thing. (Last time in 2014. The once - so cool people were already now joining that book club and working on their bordomness. It was the same book club that my mom had joined in the 90`s because her knitting-club-friends had joined. Simuletaneously she was also very active in that kind of club where they sit and talk for hours about...their daughters.Where she was spilling all the tea. Telling secrets about my life that I`d rather want to keep to myself, if you know what I mean.)
If too much info is shared you kind of give up trying. So, I had to learn to turn off that world. Like you shut off that channel of chaos and turn on YOUR channel. And focus on what I actually want to do. And that is someting that I`ve learned to do just recently. Now in 2026 I feel like "What the hell! Who cares?" Now I am okay with being just a very unknown blogger / VERY unknown YouTube-person. (And I don`t even care any longer that it sounds weird - and that other people have come farther than me in life. Which is not "farther". It is just a different path in life) I can `t even say that I am a youtuber because you need millions of subscribers to be a youtuber. Like you can`t say you`re an author unless you`re Anne B. Ragde - the superstar, in my opinion. "I wrote an ebook! It`s published on AMAZON!" I am sorry to inform you but anybody can do that. Anybody can snap a photo of themselves inside of the Amazonas and say they are a photographer. You need to be published at a publishing company OR you self-publish and then sell shitloads of copies to call yourself an author. And also; you need to be in the news. As that famous author. That is the best evidence that you`re actually an author. I can call myself a blogger because I own a blog. I pay an annual fee at GoDaddydotcom. But I am so greedy with money, just like my mom, that I use a free hosting platform called Blogger. Don`t pay unless you don`t have to! I`ve learned this from an early age; not to pay for your parking space if you don`t have to. I am perfectly fine with that. It serves my purpose in this blogging world. I get my word out and that`s all that matters. I really dislike people who say they are things. You`re NOT - unless you DID something to receive that title. I wasn`t looking for evidence in the past. Now I am. But most and formost I am looking for myself. And my next creative project.
To become something in life you need to work to get there. So if you`re not willing to put in the time and effort then you just have to give up. Or give in. I am NOT willing to put in the effort to become known or famous. For WHAT? An article about me in the news? It`s never worth is if it isn`t for something really great. It is also very satisfying to give in. Now I have realized with time that these things don`t matter. And when Jim carrey says that "Jim Carrey "is just a character, it kind of makes sense. I decided right there and then to create a lot of characters; A 16 year old rapper and internet troll. To be extra cool I named him Ronnie Boi with an i because that means you`re ghetto. Which was exactly the idea that came to me. And an evil twin - version of myself (Look it up if you dare on my old YouTube channel; Mali-My Universe.) I decided to become weird versions of myself way before it became the standard. You have to really dig through the fake to get to the real nowadays.
To hell with nowadays. I remember my old-old aunt used to say "I am so fed up with this time and age!" That was in the 1990`s . I wonder what kind of shit she was experiencing. She had probably been watching some weird shit on TV. TV was like Satan back in the day. Because they tried to put all kinds of weird shows into that box. I think she was introduced to cable. Almost like TikTok in today`s society. Or that time when I hooked up that Nintendo at her house and I didn`t want to remove it afterwards. Because MY parents rented to me a Nintendo (At the VHS rental shop), but the TV couldn`t even tune it in....because my mother denied my father to buy a new television set because she had some issues with greedyness. OR was it because my father couldn`t find a good enough TV at the thrift store? He was 150% into thrifting in the 90`s. (We had money. I came from an average income-family, though) It`s the mentality. It was very out-dated.
I decided to rant, I guess. And I probably have a lot more to talk about, but the signs of the times have revealed itself to me. It is now 09:55 and Mali`s got to go.
See ya. Bye! 💕
No comments:
Post a Comment